Emptiness. It’s weird how at one point you’re happy and content , and then suddenly you have this aching feeling inside of you and you don’t understand where its coming from or why you’re feeling this way . Strange isn’t it ?         When depression and anxiety get together, they create this empty feeling inside you that you don’t know how to shake off.

I am in pain

I am in pain and he put me there

The person that was supposed to love more than anything else

He broke my heart for the first time and taught me to confuse anger with love.

The funny thing is that I don’t hate him , and I hate myself for that.

He hurt me in the places I shouldn’t feel pain

He hurt in a way where I cannot be fixed no matter how hard I try

I feel so empty that I need to hurt myself in order to feel something, where pain is the only way I know I’m alive, the warm blood on the blade is the only feeling I know.

Other than the alcohol streaming through my veins trying to drown away the feeling of self-pity and sadness, which turned out to be the reckon of my depression.

Having this freeing of no worries , no thoughts, no fears.. a dream come true for anyone with my condition.

How can everything become that bad ? how come an innocent child has to go through all these terrible things ? It all started when I was even too young to remember it . my so-called father beating up my mother senseless, hurting the people dearest to my heart , I was too young to witness that.. do I remember it clearly ? No. Did it break my heart without knowing ? hell yes .

I find that the most beautiful people are the ones most beautifully broken.

Life has a funny way of bringing out the worst in people . it fucks them up so bad that all they know is how to be broken and break everything around them.

“ life is beautiful “ they said , “ life is worth it “ they said , but how am I suppose to believe that when all life has done is bring me to down to a level where its not even life anymore , its hell. Like a black and white movie with no ending. Stuck in a rail of thoughts that exhausted the life out of you . life is beautiful ? its made to change every single aspect of a person’s being and drain everything you love .